All I’ve Ever Wanted

Hey everyone! If you’re still with me, sorry for the lengthy absence. But I figured writing nothing was better than writing ABOUT nothing.fuze

I’ve been pondering and feeling a bit guilty for awhile about my lack of a prayer discipline. I’ve been immersed in figuring out my new Christmas toy. An MP3 player. Never had one. Gave my mom a turntable to convert her vinyl collection to CD’s or MP3’s as she chooses. Gave me the bug to have all my music in one place, too. (Having a ball with my shiny new toy!)

It’s a trip back in time to relisten to old albums you nearly forgot you had. Especially with songs from your childhood, but in my case also one from my children’s younger childhood, that I never would have bought had prince-of-egyptit not been for them: the soundtrack to the movie, “Prince of Egypt.”

One of the songs has rather captured my attentions and self-examinations. As I recall it in the movie, the young adult Moses has early inklings of his true beginnings, and is conflicted over his true home/station/mission in life. In true musical fashion, he’s brooding while fondling the alabaster columns in his room, when music begins to swell in the background and soon he’s breaking into the following song in an attempt to quiet the inner conflict:

Gleaming in the moonlight
Cool and clean and all I’ve ever known
All I ever wanted
Sweet perfumes of incense
Graceful rooms of alabaster stone
All I ever wanted

This is my home
With my father, mother, brother
Oh so noble, oh so strong
Now I am home
Here among my trappings and belongings
I belong
And if anybody doubts it
They couldn’t be more wrong

I am a sovereign prince of Egypt
A son of the proud history that’s shown
Etched on ev’ry wall
Surely this is all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
All I ever wanted…..

And it trails off, only to be joined shortly with a musical interlude that shows us cutting to his mother entering the scene and reassuring him of his proper place in the world, adding her own contribution to trying to squelch those inner voices in her son’s head.

This is your home, my son
Here the river brought you
And it’s here the river meant
To be your home
Now you know the truth, love
Now forget and be content
When the gods send you a blessing
You don’t ask why it was sent…

As these lyrics bounce about inside my own head, I wonder at my own self-assurances of soverignty and no need for roots, or God. I wonder about my life of privilege and how easily and frequently I fool myself into believing I’ve “earned it.” (on whose backs directly or indirectly does my privilege come, I wonder, much like Moses must have wondered, I suspect.) I wonder at how I fill my life with trappings and belongings and insist it’s all I ever wanted, in my own peculiar ways. And how I repeat it over and over again determinedly when that nagging wonder that there’s more to life than this tries to break in and make demands on me and my place in the world.

I mean, okay, it’s just one cheesy song, but here I am pondering it, curiously right in the midst of my newest trapping, taking my time and money and attentions. And yet, God finds a way to reach out to us, even still. Cool. Thanks, God.

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2 Responses to All I’ve Ever Wanted

  1. Tanya says:

    It’s not a cheesy song. I have to say that because I’ve spent hours pondering it too. ;)

  2. karla says:

    Hey, thanks! I take the cheesy comment back. I do sort of like the vocals on it, and well, clearly it got me thinking. My bad for belittling it. Nice hearing from you, Tanya.

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