Love of intention, re-pondered

Never give way to your feelings, she warned her sisters, and never rely on them either for your strength or your conviction. Having lost what she called “the sweetness of presence,” the alternative as a love of intention — an act of sheer will in the face of what emotionally feels impossible. This is the post-Christian spirituality of living heroically “as if,” not “because of” but “in spite of”.

I included this snippet recently in this post

I fear I’m finding myself in the midst of an unwarranted reliance on feelings for strength. And then needlessly beating myself up for being a “feeler.”

Hogwash!

Being a feeler is a great strength. Enjoying and PROFITING from the passion that feelings provide (when they are of the buoyant, ministry-enhancing variety) is both enjoyable and smart. Succumbing to negative feelings (doubts, feelings of lack of self-worth) and believing that they speak truth to you is silly. How do I reconcile this? Doesn’t it sound like straddling the fence, cherry-picking?

Maybe so. But I believe it is the truth.

Now, I just need to extricate myself from this lukewarm feelings quagmire. In some ways, that sort of lack of feeling-intensity is harder to deal with than frank discouragement. My current feelings are of mild (quite, quite mild) discouragement, but nothing approaching full-on dark night of the soul. To even intimate that would be insulting to those who have endured that struggle. Parallels, on a lesser scale, can be drawn and pondered though I think to my further enlightenment and growth. Lukewarm is not a fun place to be, having not even any obvious target to fight and pour one’s conquering or overcoming, battling energies into. <grumble> Litany of Humility, perhaps???

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