I once wrote a version of what’s below as a journal entry, oh back in August of 2004 believe it or not, in response to the most pitiful, pathetic overreaction to something in my life, that I pondered and reflected on my reactions to it, and what it meant about my relationship with God and things I liked to believe about myself. I was annoyed as hell that I just couldn’t let it go, and “move on.” Be the “bigger person.” My spirituality has developed some in the meantime that suggested some changes in the original. And the overreaction of today is a little similar, a little different. It would seem I’m not “cured” yet (oooh! big surprise there, eh?), but maybe not as “unhealthy” as I once was. Progress! Yay!
All the same, the main theme of this prayer rings a certain truth for me right now and bears repeating. Indeed, let the healing continue, good and gracious God.
Here it is with my 2008 mod’s! :) Be blessed! – Karla
There’s a place where I go, deep inside my heart.
This is the place where I meet my Lord.
It was in this place that I once pledged a lover’s sincere,
but hopelessly naive promise:
I’ll go wherever you lead me, Jesus.
I love you. Show me the way.
I meant it, too. I really did. I begged for cleansing of my
pettiness. Right then, and time and time again since.
I cried out for healing from my sin.
I’ve wondered so often, why do I do the things I hate?
Why can’t I do the things I long to do for you?
But God I need you to help me. I can’t do it without you.
How could you give me a heart that longs to serve you, Jesus,
and not equip me with the strength of character to do it?
Why can’t you see it? All I want is to make you smile.
I realized later that God had already begun answering me.
He’d been there with me, as he always is.
I’ll never be perfect, and I probably won’t ever be great…
…or even particularly successful.
But I’m loved anyway with an eternal and everlasting love. “Why can’t that be enough,” I seem to hear God pleading??? “Relax, my dear child.”
They say the sacrifice God loves is that of a broken and contrite heart.
Well, Jesus, here it is. Take my heart and its broken pieces.
Clean them up; stitch them back together and reclaim them for yourself.
(Yes, again, God. And as many more times as it takes??…)
Hold me close and never let me go.
But most of all, help me to remember that you’ve already promised you will.
Cuz, really, I do already know this.
I still forget sometimes, but the knowing grows stronger every time I remember again.
Thank you Holy Spirit for breathing life, and love, and yes, even strength, into my soul.
Let the healing continue. Make me stronger for tomorrow. May I always be yours.