New (for me) Prayer Idea

I just love the way God works sometimes!

I belong to a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), and got a discount on my vegetables by being the pickup site host…I call it my weekly veggie-sitting gig!

Anyway, I wasn’t too worried about the boredom of sitting around for a couple hours once a week…I’ve got books, mp3 player, a pad of paper and pen…I can easily entertain myself for a couple of hours, right?

Well, the pickup site is my church, so I have another way to amuse myself…a piano within eyesight of the front door that the veggie folks come to!

(yes, I play a LITTLE piano.  Emphasize LITTLE.)

Let me back up a little though.  I stumbled across this site for prayer on the mp3 when looking for the daily office as a podcast.  (note, this ISN’T a daily office podcast)

http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/

Now, I’m not sure this particular prayer podcast deeply speaks to me, but coincidentally enough, it reminded me of a prayer style that DOES!  Part of the podcast appears to be a rotating prayerful musical selection.  The particular Wednesday I was sitting there happened to be a week when Taize was the featured music.  I infrequently used to attend a Taize prayer service held at my church.  I think I want to get me a Taize album for my mp3 player!  If you haven’t heard Taize before you absolutely must give it a try!  Beautiful, repetitive, wonderful prayers set to sweet music that tugs at my heartstrings at least.

I’m trying to decide what album to purchase.  Anyone have any ideas?  I went to amazon.com and searched for taize as artist.  If you can recommend one album over another I’d love to hear your suggestion.  And if you’ve never listened to taize before you can go there to hear a brief clip to whet your spiritual appetite for more?

Pray without ceasing.  Let prayer pray within you.  That is most assuredly a niche for musical prayer (ever been unable to get a song out of your head?  Here are songs you want to feed into that endless repeat track!), and Taize is perhaps the perfect example of musical prayer!

Peace to you all, and I’d love to hear from you with opinions on this?

(bonus points for sharing your favorite taize chant with the cyberworld?  Bye again!)

Suburbia QuoteShare

This gave me a wry smile, discovered at the header of my gmail page, one of those random quotes they throw out at you:

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

(Bill Vaughan)

In other randomness, I don’t know whether to be delighted or annoyed.  I’m getting spam here at the blog.  Should I be delighted that maybe this is a sign that I’m getting more real readers? (doubtful, but you know how we naive optimists can be at times!)  Annoyed, well, cuz it’s spam?

In my final random moment, had the neatest deja vu experience!  My SD, a priest at a different Episcopal parish than the one I attend, started what I suppose is his own Lenten discipline, calling it an e-retreat.  He takes a scriptural passage, reflects on it, and draws out the readers in wondering and prayer along with him, and does this via an email list.

He added me to his list, and I’m rather enjoying the reflections and wondering questions.  I once did that as a spiritual discipline.  Oh, of course, it was completely amateur, but I had fun, I grew, and I tried.  It’s a long story, but I used to reflect on our weekly lectionary passages, and try to write adult-level wondering questions, in the same spirit of the wondering questions I would use with my Sunday School/Worship Center children.

But even that is not the deja vu part.  I had tried to form a community of learners and explorers around these amateur reflections.  Got a pretty good-sized percentage of my small parish to willingly sign up to get the reflections – and I think a good chunk of those actually read along, too, not merely politely giving their passive assent to get email from me.  Well, I wasn’t so successful in stimulating conversation, and I have several theories about why that was.  But the SD says that there’s someone out there who approached him about having an email dialogue around them.  I’m kind of looking forward to seeing what comes of that.  It’s so hard for me to get to small groups.  I feel guilty leaving the husband and kids behind for such things, after being at work all day.  And then there’s also just the challenge of finding the time with being a working mom of two elementary aged kids.  Email dialogue, and now blogging, seem a good compromise of what’s in the cards for me, spiritual conversation-wise.  We shall see, I guess!

Peace.

Belated Ash Wednesday Ponderings/Confessions

Hey there! I have Episcopal readers, and I have some evangelical readers I think. If you’ve been with me a while, you may be aware that I was raised Roman Catholic. We Catholics “do Lent.” Episcopalians also “do Lent” though not quite to the same legalistic degree as the Lenten observances I was encouraged to as a child. But I wouldn’t abandon a Lenten season, and I see more Protestants are observing Lenten piety than ever.

Just now I made a page with the entire pre-Eucharist Ash Wednesday liturgy, as it occurs in an Episcopal church. You can find it here on my blog (and on the top margin, too!), with links to my original source material there. And I found a phrase of the penitential rite that was fitting for me, and my spiritual pathway of the moment. It is simply this:

…We confess to you, Lord.

Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those
more fortunate than ourselves,
We confess to you, Lord.

I appreciate the recognition and calling-out to our attention from our prayer book regarding this particular piccadillo as “sin” worthy of confessing, reflecting on, and repenting for. Okay, sure, envy of others is pretty obvious. One of those seven deadly ones, undoubtedly. But what of that first part: anger at our own frustration. How many “good” people work themselves into a lather over not being good enough, or competent enough, or perfect enough to be “worthy” to stand at their mere job or family position, let alone stand before the throne of (our merciful, forgiving, loving) God? (do I detect a little involuntary confessional head-nodding from my side of the computer keyboard???) And so often, these people (“people” equals me, too, of course; my bad!) believe this working of themselves into the lather to be evidence of their goodness and even a sort of repentant, sorrowful piety before an inflexible God. And yet, it’s just another twisted form of pride, isn’t it? Frustration that I am not perfect. <faux gasp!>

I missed Ash Wednesday services this year. I had a rough preceding week that made me part lazy, part exhausted, and part scatterbrained. Friday through Monday had me running from house to grandparents to hospital while my husband recuperated from an unexpected, slightly emergent heart procedure. (it is assumed to be a viral infection with greater than expected inflammation, and fluid accumulation…not likely to be an ongoing problem, but one that will require a few followup appointments with cardiology and hematology. Would welcome your prayers in that regard for a non-remarkable report after those appointments are complete!) Then Tuesday I had one of the worst days at work I’ve had in a long time. The new system contributed to my stress level. Some demanding patients, some legitimately so due to health status and/or disability, some unkindly so with no outwardly apparent explanation (but who knows what really goes on in their inner lives of course. <sigh>), added to my stress level. I was too busy to eat lunch, too busy to drink a sufficient quantity to even desire to use the restroom. Had to tidy up a few unfinished tasks after closing, and was late to a family function as a result. Just really didn’t feel like going to church on my much-needed day off on Wednesday.

Now I regret it though. I miss that “invitation, in the name of the Church, to an observance of a Holy Lent.” It’s just not the same in solitude as it is to be gathered in community as the body of Christ. But my missing it was the prompt for my reading over the liturgy here at home, sort of after the fact. It’s a good one. A rich and useful prayer, that is, this liturgy. No Ash Wednesday is complete without a prayerful meditation over Psalm 51 in my opinion. I recommend it and the rest of the Book of Common Prayer’s Ash Wednesday liturgy for your use or consideration.

But yeah, that whole frustration with self is a biggie for me at many times, and particularly right now with this new computer system at work. Must be patient with self. Must relax. Not easy.

Is there a part of these prayers that particularly speaks to you at your place in the faith journey/struggle as you’re experiencing it right now? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

I enjoy taking some time to wrestle prayerfully/thoughtfully with the spiritual and incarnational realities of our God during the season of Lent. Earthy, fleshy life and ministry with attendant joys and suffering. Spiritual, supernatural results and ripples of that ministry and resurrection life. Hmmm…. Much to pray over and ponder, no?

May you be blessed on your journey, whereever it leads you.

Sinfulness

Okay, so it’s late, and I’m sick (sinuses/chest/bleck) but I can’t sleep.  So I’m hashing some spiritual stuff over in my mind, in preparation for meeting with the SD tomorrow.  Not that I “should” prepare, but it’s fitting ponderings for that type of conversation, so I was being a little more intentional about connecting some dots, and identifying the questions to explore more deeply.

And you, my dear readers, aren’t privy to ALL of those ponderings of the heart/soul. <smile>

But as I was pondering, it occurred to me that with little tweaking of these late night ponderings, I could pelt out a quick followup post to the mini-rant about the Episcopal Rite 1 Confession of Sin that *could* be blogged upon.

Here’s the deal.  I’m only too aware of how frequently I sin.  Sin=separation from God, the whole things done and left undone, in thought, word, and deed bit.  Yup.  I “suck” truthfuly.  We all do of course, and intellectually I’m quite aware of that, and I am further aware that I could be nothing more than an inadequate & sinful being, not being God and all.  Do I find that comforting and reassuring?  Not especially.  No, in the still, quiet hours when I go before my Lord, I “know” and believe that he loves me [us] for my [our] good intentions and even forgives us when our intentions themselves are impure/self-centered and we return to him to express our genuine sorrow.

That knowledge that I will always be a [forgiven!!] sinner do not help reassure me.  I want to be better.  I want to not be a sinner.  <sigh>  It is becoming my conclusion that a return to prayer for repeated gentle, loving confrontations of my human imperfection will result in, maybe partially in this life, and if not in the next, a bathing in a more full recognition of God’s love and forgiveness.  I believe this, but I do not in any way feel this.

Enter in good ol’ Rite 1 and its statement that I as a feckless sinner have provoked God’s wrath and indignation.  Harumph!  That is not helpful to me, and in a weaker state of mind than I currently find myself in (maybe you find yourself there?) downright hurtful and decidedly unhelpful.  I sin, I do not do the things I have a hunch God would want me to do.  I do some things that probably make God cringe in disappointment, but wrath?  Indignation?  I do not mean to diminish my sinfulness, indeed a spot where Rite 1 gets it right, there is a pervasive sense that my sin is an intolerable burden (i.e. drives me CRAZY “to do those things I hate”), and I wish God would work a little quicker to “fix me up” to be that which he calls me to be.  But I must land on the side of those saints and Saints which insist to me that God is all love and mercy (and most assuredly NOT wrath and indignation) to those who are trying their best. (specifically at this moment I am praying with a devotional of writings from Therese of Lisieux.)  I hope that you will embrace that belief in God’s love and mercy, too, if you find yourself in relationships or church bodies that would try to tell you otherwise!

Okay, rant mode off.  May you have peace in your heart.

Love of intention, re-pondered

Never give way to your feelings, she warned her sisters, and never rely on them either for your strength or your conviction. Having lost what she called “the sweetness of presence,” the alternative as a love of intention — an act of sheer will in the face of what emotionally feels impossible. This is the post-Christian spirituality of living heroically “as if,” not “because of” but “in spite of”.

I included this snippet recently in this post

I fear I’m finding myself in the midst of an unwarranted reliance on feelings for strength. And then needlessly beating myself up for being a “feeler.”

Hogwash!

Being a feeler is a great strength. Enjoying and PROFITING from the passion that feelings provide (when they are of the buoyant, ministry-enhancing variety) is both enjoyable and smart. Succumbing to negative feelings (doubts, feelings of lack of self-worth) and believing that they speak truth to you is silly. How do I reconcile this? Doesn’t it sound like straddling the fence, cherry-picking?

Maybe so. But I believe it is the truth.

Now, I just need to extricate myself from this lukewarm feelings quagmire. In some ways, that sort of lack of feeling-intensity is harder to deal with than frank discouragement. My current feelings are of mild (quite, quite mild) discouragement, but nothing approaching full-on dark night of the soul. To even intimate that would be insulting to those who have endured that struggle. Parallels, on a lesser scale, can be drawn and pondered though I think to my further enlightenment and growth. Lukewarm is not a fun place to be, having not even any obvious target to fight and pour one’s conquering or overcoming, battling energies into. <grumble> Litany of Humility, perhaps???

Efficacy of prayer changes us, thaws us

C. S. Lewis said that prayer might not change anything else, but he knew it changed him. Our prayer may not alter the circumstances that froze us solid, but it will start to melt our hearts, and that warmth will spread until we are supple enough to find a way forward.

I read this meditation (see below the line of asterisks in this post) a few days ago. I’ve often struggled with prayer. Why pray? It doesn’t change anything. You pray and pray and nothing changes. Oh, sure, there’s a miracle here and there, but it’s pretty random. And then there’s the notion some hold (I might add here, though, that I’m not among those that hold it!) that God’s already got it all figured out already, so even more so I might rationally ask, why pray?

Well, there’s such a thing as faking it till you make it. I’ve heard it in various circles, phrased more or less delicately or poetically, my chosen phrase being one of the LESS delicate ways of phrasing it, but in my humble opinion, no less true for its bluntness. What it means is simply this: you pray at first because you should. It’s the right thing to do. It’s not really about what’s in it for you, and fuzzy feelings of consolation for you or your loved ones. Maybe your momma told you it was the right thing to do. Maybe you’ve got this niggling sense that something’s missing in your life, and you’re partly to blame, having dropped the ball somewhere. Maybe that niggling sense is a vague sense of guilt, if your upbringing leads you down that particular pathway. And sure, maybe it’s hopefulness that this time, maybe, just maybe something WILL happen. Maybe it will “work” or “take.” You pray. And, if you’re diligent, you keep praying. Because, after all, it is the right thing to do, obvious results or none. He is God, you are creature, how can you keep from praying, when considered in a certain sense?

And maybe something happens “out there.” And just as likely nothing noticeable does. But you look back, and ever so subtly, you realize, “hey, wait a minute? Something DID happen…to me? Hmm.”

Our circumstances may or may not change for the prayer, but often as not, God changes US in the act of praying. For me anyway, usually not recognized except ever so subtly in hindsight, but always (when finally recognized!!!) with tremendous gratitude for that recognized touch of God’s presence and action in my life.

Confession time? I haven’t been praying worth a hoot lately. But the cool thing is, that I’ve got this part of me that “knows” that God’s waiting for me. It (feeling drawn to prayer again like a moth to a flame) won’t happen overnight. Nope. I’ll need to fake it several times before I make it. Well, no. Let me rephrase that. God makes it so I get it is really a better way of putting it, and I have to wait for that getting of it, however long it takes, however impatient I may become. It isn’t I who make it, but all God, and that’s just it…”me” has to be patient enough to wait on God and take what I get. That lurking memory thing though of how it can be when I do my part in maintaining a relationship knows though that what I get will be enough, and then some in abundance, even if it isn’t what I initially wished and prayed for.

What’s troubling me though is which direction shall I turn to recommit to this prayer thing? I haven’t picked up a bible with any seriousness in a good long while. I think that may just be the ticket this time around. I’ve often been greatly blessed by a contemplative, centering prayer style. I probably haven’t done lectio divina “pure” and correctly, but I think I might try a modified form of lectio divina again. Reading mostly for meditation/contemplation, partly for content/meditation. Lectio Divina is S-L-O-O-O-O-W reading, almost literally chewing the cud of the Word. Yes, I think that might just be the ticket for me at this juncture of my life.

By golly and by joe, I think I see another spiritual discipline post forming. The other thing I’ve recently happened upon is a priest friend’s Advent discipline. He seems to be taking the discipline of blogging every day during Advent. He’s had some interesting, eye-opening posts, so I think I’ll follow along there. That might take care of the paralysis of where to flop open the dear old Holy Book for said cogitations. I’ll follow the lectionary passages he’s reflecting on. Here’s a link to his blog if you’d like to follow along, too! http://tosapriest.blogspot.com/

Okay. Lately my good intentions have been just that…good intentions. Off the computer now, and off to do some prayer. I’m at the point where I miss it, and at the same ironic point, I’m getting used to being without it. And that scares me a little, to have become so casual and apathetic about it. I am neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm – the worst place to be spiritually. Ugh. I don’t want to go back to that point again. The memory maybe doesn’t fade, but it whispers more and more quietly to my soul. I need to crane my ear and listen more closely…because the words are SO worth hearing.

Come Lord Jesus, come.

Emmanuel, God with us – be known to us. (to me? May I ask for your presence that forthrightly?) Amen.

******************************************

Forward Day by Day Meditation for 11/22/08

Day in History: SATURDAY, November 22 (Clive Staples Lewis)

James 5:13-20.Are any among you suffering? They should pray.

My car was covered with a thick, opaque frost this morning. When I went out early to drive to work, it looked as inviting as a block of ice on wheels. I turned it on, cranked up the defroster, and went back inside for another cup of coffee.

When I came back out, the frost had melted, I could hear the murmur of early morning radio, and it seemed as if the car was purring happily. What a difference five minutes makes.

I think prayer works like this. There are times when we are shut down, frozen over with grief, with shock, with anger. From the outside, it feels as if we may never be ourselves again. Prayer is like turning on the defroster. Little by little, if we can stay with it and not lose heart, we will thaw from the inside out.

C. S. Lewis said that prayer might not change anything else, but he knew it changed him. Our prayer may not alter the circumstances that froze us solid, but it will start to melt our hearts, and that warmth will spread until we are supple enough to find a way forward.

Available at http://www.forwardmovement.org/archive.cfm by selecting date “11/22/08″

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

If you ever have times when you get to feeling out of the loop, AND if you’re a well-intentioned person of faith, AND if you have an inborn tendency to overthink things (way!) too much, you can have a very complex, conflicted set of feelings. (does it sound like maybe I’ve been there?)

The expected pity-party. Poor me. How dare they do that to me? I deserve better! (Harumph!)

The rational, open-minded point of view. Trying to see all sides of the story, trying to keep your point of view in perspective with all the others.

The (to me!) scary place of asserting yourself, humbly, that by gosh and by golly, I SHOULD be in the loop.

The difficulty, of course, is determining wisely and fairly when one is smack dab in the midst of it, and all the attendant feelings that go with it, is which of the three options you’re working in. And the reality might just be a combination of all three.

But what if, after being brutally honest with yourself, but simultaneously self-loving and respecting-to-self, you determine that it is largely an unwarranted by the reality, unattractive pity-party?

Well, then it’s time for some humble pie! Even when I have times where it is fully right and appropriate to assert myself and my needs, I can find myself turning it into something bigger and more emotional – a pity party of sorts – than it really is. The following prayer is one that I like to use as a tool when I need to wrestle myself away from the siren call of indulging my lesser emotions. Okay, sure, I find some of the phrases a little harsh, and I certainly couldn’t use it as an everyday prayer – but when I’m mucked deeply in the throes of “poor, poor unappreciated me” it sounds an awesome wake-up call. I offer it to you for your use if it speaks to you.

Peace!

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart,
Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930)

Spiritual Resource Links added to my right sidebar!

For anyone interested, I have just beefed up my list-o-links section.  I’ve added a section called “Spiritual Resources.”  A few examples?  I’ve added links to online versions of the Book of Common Prayer, NRSV Bible (the translation frequently read in so-called “mainline” Protestant denom’s), and the A.A. Big Book.  There’s some links to interesting info from my days of diaconal surfing research.  There’s a few other things of interest…Revised Common Lectionary, links to Daily Office downloads, etc.

Anglican folks will readily recognize much of this.  But maybe my Christian friends from other traditions may find some of it interesting, too!  Forgive me in advance if I’ve used Anglo-jargon that is unfamiliar.  But feel free to check out the links on my blog site as you wish.  Briefly here’s a description of some terms that may be jargonesque to some. (??? — they were to me when I first entered the Episcopal church anyway, so I offer the explanations in that humble spirit.)

• The Book of Common Prayer in particular is something of a classic in devotional literature, adding a measure of ritual and discipline and embracing theology in its well-written prayers to share “in common”, and being known for its ecumenism.
• Lectionary. Churches that use a “lectionary” preach and teach based on a set rotation of scriptures common to many Christian bodies, and many clergy and laity in these traditions find it an effective guard against picking and choosing topics of interest by the pastor, and ensuring a balance of selected scriptures.  It is a 3-year rotation.
• The Daily Office is printed and prescribed in the Book of Common Prayer.  It is based on a monastic praying of the hours, borrowed from our catholic tradition.

In any event, enjoy perusing these resources if you wish!

Peace to you all. – Karla

Spiritual discipline Aug 2008 (always subject to change)

I have an update! If you’ve been with me from my (oh so far back! ha ha!) beginnings, you’ll remember this post, where I talked of my spiritual discipline.

“Spiritual Discipline July 2008 (always subject to change)” Well THAT didn’t take very long now, did it!

Nothing earth shattering here. But kinda humorously lame in a way. So whether you’re here for deep spiritual content, a good laugh, or cuz you’re my dad and, well, you just uncritically but lovingly dig most anything I write or do, read on! (thanks, Dad! <blush>)

Well, first the honest confession that I haven’t gotten much better about my intent to rededicate myself to a routine that includes regular Centering Prayer since that July posting of mine. Bummer. But I’m still working on it.

But enough of that silly brow beating! Here it is! I’m going to (drum roll please…)

EXERCISE!

(the crowd utters a collective gasp of surprise and shock!)

Uh, that’s all well and nice Karla, but your post-title claims to be about your spiritual discipline? Huh?

Has something to do with that “body is the Temple of God” notion. Hopefully I didn’t mess up that quote too bad to commit some unintentional heresy. Somewhere it is written, if not in the Bible itself, then in longstanding church tradition, that we need to honor our bodies, and care for them. What we put into them – what exercise we give them.

Of course back in bible days, the notion of exercise outside one’s daily activities of existence would have been foreign. But today we need to think about moving our bodies.

I have consistently abandoned every single exercise regimen I have started. Without exception.

I have a new approach this time around. Lower expectations!

The 10-year-old son saw me hefting my (pitifully puny!) dumbbells the other night and wondered what I was doing. Understand now, the concept of exercise is NEARLY foreign to this computer-game-loving youngster. So I pertly described my new exercise program and confessed my past failures to the boy.

My exercise regimen consists of three, count them, THREE arm exercises with dumbbells. Striving for 2-3 times per week, 2 sets of 8 reps. Yeah, I AM all that, thank you very much. <smile>

Yeah! Like mine are that heavy?!?

You know how a watched pot never boils, right? Well, of COURSE I needed my pot to boil, so I headed downstairs to our family room, leaving the kitchen pot and did my “workout”. I proudly reported my success story to the hubby…another poster child for the couch potato movement, I might add. He tried, I’ll give him credit, to share in my small triumph, but he just couldn’t help asking, “But… you just went downstairs? You’re DONE already?”

(and, notably, the pot had NOT started boiling yet.)

<sigh>

Anyway, I’m taking the approach of offering my resistance to exercising as a spiritual discipline, and an offering to God. No promises here, but plenty of optimistic hope. Once I’ve developed a habit (teeth gritting endurance?) for the unassuming routine I’ve selected, I’m planning to add leg exercises. I’ve got ankle weights…uh, yeah, that’s from one of my past failures in this discipline.

What I have learned from my other past failures is I will NOT ever join a gym again. That particular psychology of attempting to call upon my cheapskate gene does not seem to work on me, despite other clear victories of being cheap. Nope, in this case I just watch my checkbook get drained of the monthly fee, while my muscles stagnate. (in front of the, uh, computer? oops! got a way to go there, don’t I?)

Peace all! – Karla

Spiritual Discipline: July 2008 (always subject to change!)

Oh yeah. The post title says it all, doesn’t it! <smile>

I have these great intentions of reading the newspaper, and forming my intercessory prayer around what I find there and read. Plenty of prayer fodder there, eh? And actually do a good civic duty by being a better-informed citizen. Kill two birds with one stone, right?

I never do though. I lose track of time, or I just want to do something else. And (pitiful confession time) I’m not much of an intercessory pray-er. I see the natural laws of the universe at work, and they win, again and again. I see people moved by some “force” this force I identify as God, and I see “miracles” happening through them. I pray to come closer and respond to this force. I hope that it is enough. I hope that someday my belief will improve, and that my faith will strengthen, or at least stay constant. (see previous post and rlp’s mention of faith.)

I LOVE doing Centering Prayer. I slack off on it regularly. But this is realistic in my short term as a goal to set and become more faithful in the practice. I really will try.

(interested in centering prayer? google on the term, check out books by Thomas Merton, Thomas Keating – also Thelma Hall and Martin Smith. They may not use the term centering prayer, but their influence on the practice of my own spirituality has entered the seams of my subconscious.)

I have tried, with varied success to read the Daily Office, as it is laid out in the Book of Common Prayer. I have even gotten it loaded on my PDA, so I don’t have to hunt for Bible passages, and flip pages incessantly. I have also toyed with abbreviating it in a custom manner for my personal style.

And I do it sometimes. I don’t currently include it as part of my “regular” discipline, and yet, it would seem that some daily read devotion to complement a praying style such as Centering Prayer would be grounding, and beneficial.

Enter Day by Day devotionals. http://www.forwardmovement.org/fdbd_options.cfm They’ve been in my church narthex forever, but I picked up a copy last week. This might just be my thing! Most online or written devotionals have not interested me. I find myself having thoughts and further prayer provoked by this. And it’s short enough to fit pretty easily into my daily life, with the ease of extending it with further bible readings, if I have time or desire. I’ve even thought of posting pondering responses to some of the devo’s. We’ll see I guess.

Good stuff, at least for me. But that’s just it, I think. Prayer, and the accompanying relationship with God it nurtures, is primarily about finding what’s right for you - that is, with the caveat that you’re grounded in some kind of anchor to tradition or wisdom that’s not merely your own fond creation. Or to quote one of Merton’s students (whose name escapes me at the moment), you can get a little “weird.” I mean, shoot, I think the writing of some of these blog posts “counts” as prayer. (?) I mean, with your earthly friends, you find activities that are mutually beneficial, right? If you’re a big country music fan, your best friend doesn’t pressure you to attend the opera with her. You give and take, you find a variety of friends who share your interests. Of course, the great thing about God is that he created all the variety of interests in the first place, and when there is purity of heart, he blesses all forms of genuine prayer, methinks, whether you’re a gregorian chanter, or a praise band person; whether you’re a meticulous prayer list intercessor or a contemplative centering pray-er. Having said that, I do know I need (again, FOR ME!) to take a little more intentional time of listening and receptivity to the gentle nudges of God, and wrench my eager-beaver typing fingers away from this ol’ keyboard.

Off to that, right now in fact! Peace. – Karla